


I know the house is burning down (but I still can't seem to leave it)

by BehindFlickeringLampposts



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Isolation, Manipulative Relationship, Mental Health Issues, Physical Abuse, Protective Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy), Protective Siblings, Pseudo-Incest, Sibling Incest, Vanya Hargreeves Deserves Better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-06-29 15:28:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19833094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BehindFlickeringLampposts/pseuds/BehindFlickeringLampposts
Summary: Vanya knows what it's like to be in love.She also knows what it's like to have only one person that truly cares about you.So she holds on tight and forgives every one of his mistakes.She's even willing to overlook every time he hurt her.Because she's loved.Finally, she is loved.That's all she ever wanted.Or, when Five comes back Vanya is already in an abusive relationship and Leonard isn't as much of a problem as this guy.





	1. Outside The World Is Changing

Alex had been an angel since they had met. Even now, as Vanya looked up at him, he smiled in the gentlest way possible, adoring eyes fixated on hers, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear.

 _This_ , she decided as her stomach fluttered, _this was love._

The feeling of his hands gently holding her close as they swayed to the music, the intoxicating sound of his voice whispering sweet nothings in her ear when the night seemed oh-so-cold and the little bubble of happiness in her chest every time he looked at her.

**This was love.**

This was what she’d been searching — _been craving for a lifetime._

So, when he leaned down to whisper ‘I love you’, lips barely touching, she smiled and, for the first time in so very long — _seven years, two months and five days_ — she felt loved — _truly, deeply loved._

It was a heady feeling.

“What are you thinking about, ma chère?”

She snapped her gaze to him, a smile immediately forming on her lips as his arms circled her waist, familiar and welcomed.

“Your accent is _awful_.”

Vanya heard a warm laugh by her ear, tingles running up and down her back at his proximity.

“Don’t try to change the subject with me, dear, it won’t work.”

“It was nothing, really.”

“You sure?” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively “because, you know, I could help you with unwanted thoughts.”

“Ooh…could you now?”

“I think so…”

Vanya squealed as he picked her up, so much happier than she could ever remember being.

The rest of the afternoon was just perfect.

Some days were better than others, she thought blearily staring at her cup of chamomile tea.

“Do you feel better, doll?” asked Alex, concern lacing his words, as he stroked her temple softly.

“Barely.” She answered, upset at having ruined their date night by getting sick.

“You know this isn’t your fault, right? Everyone gets sick once in a while.”

“But-”

“No but. I can’t even imagine what your family did to you to make you feel this way but it doesn’t matter now. Now you have me.”

“Do you,” Vanya, licked her lips in thought, “do you think I should leave them behind completely?”

“Of course. You have me, why would you need them?”

“They’re my family.”

“Yeah, but they also made you feel completely worthless. Family can be toxic too, you know.”

“...You’re right.”

Alex smiled at her, love shining in his eyes.

“Great!” he said excitedly “Now… what movie do you want to see?”

“I have an idea!”

“I swear if it’s How To Train Your Dragon again-”

“It’s so good!”

His answering laugh caused warmth to bloom in her chest.

 _Love_ , she decided, _was such a wondrous thing._

Fourteen-year-old Number Five looked up at the night sky, taking a deep breath.

He caressed the cover of his most beloved book with trembling fingers, the endless longing for her company feeling like a living thing in his chest.

A bead of sweat rolled down from his forehead.

The post-apocalyptic world wasn’t kind in any way, not even its season were. The weather could not be described as warm nor chilly. Either it was freezing or it was unbearably hot.

Briefly, he turned to check on Dolores, sitting behind him.

She was looking up at the stars too, perhaps thinking of the friends she had had in the mall. He wondered if she missed them.

“Have I ever told you about my own personal star, Dolores?”

**_No._ **

“Well, she’s the reason I’m going to succeed, you know.”

**_She?_ **

“Yeah. She. I’ll go back to her, one day.”

**_When your equations will be correct._ **

“Exactly.”

**_Tell me more about your star._ **

“Well... her name is Vanya and she's the brightest star I've ever seen.”

_And I don’t want to die here, without ever seeing her again_


	2. Though You Never See The Wheels In Spin

“Why are you so late?” asked Alex, voice slurred.

Evidently, he was drunk again.

“I had to work, we have a concert coming up.” she answered, uncomfortable with her boyfriend’s new attitude but still willing to understand him.

He just lost his father, she reminded herself every time she was pissed at him so much she’d gladly leave. Just give him time.

Alex laughed, “Yeah, maybe the people with actual talent should practice more but you?”

It stung. Tears sprung up in her eyes, but she pushed them down forcefully, knowing that crying wouldn’t do any good.

Besides, it’s not like he’s wrong, whispered a part of her maliciously.

Taking a deep breath, Vanya tried to gain control of the situation.

“I’m going to bed now. Please, take the couch for tonight. We’ll talk in the morning.” She said, already setting up a blanket on it.

“What? No, I’m not going to sleep on the fucking couch.”

She sighed, already exhausted, the beginning of a headache making her head pound. Briefly, she looked at the small, glass figurine of a violin, his gift for their two years anniversary. Under the moonlight it shone beautifully and, while she admired it, Vanya felt her irritation vanish. This was the man she loved and who loved her back.

This was what she had always wanted. She wasn’t going to blow it by being a self-centred asshole. Obviously, though, his irritation had only grown in those few seconds she’d taken to calm down.

“You listen to me now,” he said, grabbing her roughly by the arm, “I won’t be ordered around by a talentless, stupid bitch, you hear me?”

Vanya reeled back in shock, newly formed tears springing in her eyes at the pain. He was going to leave a bruise by how tight he was holding her.

“Alex stop, you’re hurting-”

“No, no. I’m done listening to you. Now you listen to me.”

“Alex please-”

He threw her on the floor, her head knocking painfully against the coffee table.

“Now, you’re going to stay there. And not move.”

She nodded, curling on herself, head throbbing with pain, a small trickle of blood running down the side of her face.

“See? You’re capable of listening after all.” He said, looking pleased.

Vanya fell asleep there, several hours later. Curled on the floor, still in disbelief over what happened.

“Vanya? Vanya, wake up. I’m so sorry.”

Slowly, she opened her eyes.

Everything ached from the night spent on the floor but nothing more so than her head. She groaned, touching her forehead and feeling blood staining her fingertips.

“Come on, we have to dress that wound. I made breakfast too.”

Recognizing him, she almost — _almost_ — crawled back, scared of receiving another hit. Then, she looked at his concerned and embarrassed expression, and noticed the hand gently holding hers. Immediately, she relaxed, letting herself be held and cleaned.

“I’m sorry,” he said after a bit, “I was a mess and you didn’t come home on time.”

“We have a concert soon.” She murmured, feeling suddenly embarassed for some reason.

“I know but you should have called or something.” Alex said, frustration and disappointment clear in his voice..

Vanya lowered her head, cheeks aflame.

“I’m sorry.” She murmured, more ashamed of her actions than ever.

“It’s fine, love. Just don’t do it again.”

He kissed her lips softly, smiling adoringly the whole time.

 _Everything would be fine_ , she told herself, _everything was going to be just fine._

_Besides, how stupid would it be, to throw away everything she had ever wanted for a minor bump in the road?_

He was so, so tired.

 _ **Sleep**_.

“I can’t, I need to read this, to know how-”

_**How miserable she was after you left? Is that what you need to know?** _

“No… I just… I want to go home.”

_**I know, but being sleep deprived isn’t going to help you.** _

“Fine. But after…”

**_Afterwards, you can do whatever the hell you want. I’ll even let you ramble about your star. Just don’t be cheesy._ **

“I already told you, I call her my star because she’s going to-”

_**Light up your way and bring you home just like a real star would? As if this were a fairytale? Yeah, yeah, I know. Sleep now.** _

“Goodnight, Dolores.”

**_Goodnight, oh failed Prince Charming._ **

Sighing, Five rolled over in the sleeping bag he found in the rubble near the ruins of what had once been the Academy.

_He wondered if Vanya was sleeping too, in her small room back at home._

_He wondered if she was happy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we're getting into the story. Until Five comes back I'll mostly write flashbacks like these but I don't plan on this going on much longer.  
> Tell me if you found spelling mistakes so I can correct myself.  
> Hope you liked it!

**Author's Note:**

> I really didn't want to post this but here you go.  
> So the updates are going to be very slow, mostly because it takes a lot of time for me to write something that's half decent.  
> I hope you liked it!


End file.
